I was up late listening to songs from my the collegiate era and was flooded with all the memories I have. Until I realized….I’m not really making any now. I mean, there’s some good stuff that has been stored in my memory bank recently. But not like before. I’m so consumed with obtaining a goal that I stopped living in unforgettable moments. I guess I’ve paused on “life” for a bit.
A few of the songs that sparked it…
*Resuming*
You had a dream last night. One that reminded you of all the good times you used to have. Of all the hilarious phone conversations, Skype dates and trips you made…with him. You woke up with that aching feeling. You know…that feeling that comes whenever you allow yourself to think about the person formally known as that special someone. You immediately start going through old pictures, while listening to 112’s first album with a feeling of nostalgia, mixed with melancholy and confusion. Maybe you should give it another try. Maybe things weren’t as bad as they seemed. Maybe people change over time. Maybe time does really heal all pains. And maybe, just maybe, you’re ready to get back out there and give your relationship another whirl.
You get dressed in the color he used to like. And maybe you’ll put on a little make-up too, just because. You’ll send a text to your homegirl, seeing what’s new with her. But you’re really beating around the bush, and she knows it. She knows you and she knows you’re up to something. What you really want to ask her and eventually do is if she’s spoken to “so-in-so” lately and if he’s doing okay. How are his job and family? She doesn’t have much information to give, but she does give you something to think about. She asks “You miss him, huh”? To which you really have no answer. Why? Because you do, but you just aren’t ready to admit it yet.
So what now? You get onto Facebook and Instagram to see if he has a new girlfriend…or maybe even a kid. And just as you’re logging in & starting your “research” you get a frantic call from your other friend. She’s heartbroken and in pain, and needs an ear to listen to her. She starts to tell you how her boyfriend cheated, talks bad to her and makes her feel unappreciated. Not only is he immature, but he’s also broke and a complete pain in the ass. She’s going on & on about all of the things he’s done wrong, and as she’s speaking you’re scrolling down your FB and IG timeline and to see post after post from other women. Tweetgram after tweetgram from chicks… who’ve been scorned and disappointed. Abused and unappreciated. And just like that, the lonely feeling is gone. Your homegirl’s boyfriend is a loser and you don’t want to find yourself in the same situation. Because you remember now. You remember the arguments. You remember the disrespect. You remember how he looked wack in his favorite pair of jeans and how you felt like his babysitter. You remember how you wanted to push him out of the bed while he was sleeping. And you definitely remember that he was an asshole.
You snap out of that nostalgic state quick enough to tell your friend that her boyfriend needs to go *insert derogatory term of your choice* and recommend that you both and your other friends meet up for drinks. You let her curse his entire existence to you….and you immediately turn off that damn 112 album and put on some Young Jeezy. Because nothing snaps you out of missing someone/a situation faster than hearing someone rap about selling drugs. And after that phone call, there’s nothing you don’t want more than to be the victim of a bum relationship with a bum dude, who has bum breath and a bum personality. Not today, at least. Nevermind.
A few things.
…your faith should be at the forefront
…that at this point, my diet must be 24/7, 365 for eternity
…that I am no longer the PYT out here
…that I need not be at events & venues where the new PYTs are barely 21
…love & hate are way too powerful
…some people want you around, but don’t want you
…the keys to love can be found on any of Luther Vandross’s albums (except his last album)
…having something to believe in is a savior
…if you refuse to find happiness in your current situation, you may not know how to find it in a new situation
…old ailments fade and new ones appear
…people that don’t believe in a higher power always seem to be grouchy or unhappy
…that the whole “people calling when they need something” thing will never stop
…some people will bring out the best in you, and some will bring out the worst
…it’s ok to dream. During the day and at night
…you can love someone from afar and sometimes that’s easier and less painful
…I’m supposed to be a lot older than I really am, based on my musical preferences
…you can’t expect someone to wait for you to get your sh*t together
…I’m a procrastinator and I’m fine with that
…I’m important to Me
…its okay to not like something
…some people are unforgettable
I need a vacation. This is where I should be….
Disclaimer for the sensitive: I have no problems with interracial dating. Date who you want…I could give 2 “you know whats”.
Lately I’ve seen an influx in men of color broadcasting their choices to deal with women of other races. But their declaration was done by listing off things that they can’t stand about black women, or why we’ve single handedly managed to push you all away. Once that happens, we get mad and it comes across as us having a problem with your non-black girlfriend, but that isn’t the case.
What makes us upset is you naming things that are wrong with us to justify your reasons for dating outside of your race. When in actuality, we (black women) haven’t done anything wrong to you except act as a scapegoat for your own questionable conscience and lack of balls.
These days, nobody cares who you date. Especially as the world continues to become a melting pot of races/nationalities. The more mixtures the better. But please don’t mistake us being upset about you bashing us with obscenities, yelling about what we’re not doing during the day & night and finding silly things to pick at such as wearing a weave vs. natural hair for actually being upset about your new girlfriend and love for other flavors of women. Nobody cares.
Fellas, if a woman of color has actually wronged you currently or in the past, please feel free to chime in. And I don’t mean you talking about the time when your black girlfriend did something to you after you cheated on her. I’m talking about some down right, shady women stories. If you don’t have any examples, it’s time to stop it and quit using that as an excuse. An excuse to justify why you don’t want to fool with us anymore. Its 2012…love who you want to love. Date who you want to date. But bashing us in the process of you discovering your new preferences needs to NOT be the move.
The days of screaming “I’m only dating non-black women from now on because yall are annoying, always complaining, yall are shady and only wanna be basketball wives” are over. Change that whole phrase to you keeping your mouth shut and going about your dating life in peace. You don’t have to make women of color feel inferior to justify your life choices. Have some class.
And please stop using the excuse of “Black women are crazy”. All women are crazy. That excuse is not good enough. If you haven’t learned that by now, there’s no hope for you and your dating future so go ahead and stop reading. You need more help/advice than this blog has to offer. If you’re going to throw out examples, please make sure they’re all accurate. Or at least make sure they sound accurate.
One question that I have is this: Do men of other races outwardly bash and disrespect their women also? I’ve never came across a situation where I have witnessed something like that. Or if they do, it seems as if they’re doing a pretty good job of “keeping family business in the family”.
But one thing I’ve noticed is that when you outwardly disrespect your own it gives others unofficial permission to do the same. So when some random black guy feels the need to talk about how your mom or sister isn’t worth a damned, remember where that level of comfortable disrespect originated from. And remember how you don’t like black women anyway, so politely nod in agreement to every disrespectful thing that exits their mouths, while maintaining your “hush face”. Why? Because you’ve probably said those same things about someone else’s mom or sister.
One last question: When others are disrespecting us, are you defending us? Or are you joining in?
*Women if this applies to you, you need to get it together as well.*
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